Your True
Tales
February 2003 –
Page 23
Not Just
Dreams
by Lorraine N.
I am a 37 year old critical care registered nurse and I consider myself fairly intelligent and level headed, but I can't figure out why I keep having the experiences that I do. Perhaps you or your readers can help shed some light on these things that keep happening to me.
My experiences first started when I was approximately 9 or 10 years old. I was lying in bed one night, deep in a dreamless sleep when all of a sudden I came "awake." I don't know how to explain it, but I was in a different "place" (dimension?) where I was as alert and lucid as I am right now, but it was like a different form of consciousness. I was still in my bed, but my room was nothing but swirling mist and I could see nothing in front of me. I was laying on my right side with my head resting on my bent arm and my elbow poking out. Suddenly in the mist, I saw a round, black ball, approximately the size of a basketball come floating toward me. I really had no clue of what was happening, so I wasn't afraid, just puzzled. The black ball floated over so it was hovering at the level of my elbow. A small finger-like projection flowed out of it, somewhat like how an amoeba flows around things, and this projection touched me on the elbow. Immediately I was paralyzed, unable to move or even breathe properly. I then became very frightened and started struggling, and tried to call out to my parents so they would come in and wake me up.
As I mentioned, I was very rational in my thinking and decided that I must be having some sort of bad dream and if I just called out, my mom or dad would come in and wake me up and this scary thing would go away. I struggled and struggled, but could not get rid of this horrible feeling of being paralyzed and suffocated. I remember I was trying to scream, but all that was coming out of my throat were funny sounds. I was very scared now and prayed, "Jesus please help me!" The absolute second I asked for help, I saw a white, glowing ball, the same size as the black one, coming out of the mist. This white ball floated over and actually chased the black ball away into the mist. As soon as that happened, I could move again.
I remember just lying there feeling exhausted, like I had run a hundred miles, wondering what had just happened. The white ball floated back to me and landed on top of me. It got larger and larger and enveloped my whole body in its light. I remember feeling the most incredible feeling of love and contentment that I had ever felt. I could actually feel arms holding me as I lay there. Again, I was trying to be very rational and I remember distinctly thinking, "Now are those really arms that I feel around me or am I just laying on my pillow?" That's the last thing I remember until I woke up the next morning.
That experience seemed to be the first of hundreds of attacks that I have had since. I don't know if these things that attack me are demons, evil spirits or ghosts, but I know they are horrible creatures and won't seem to leave me alone. I can always tell when an attack is coming because all of a sudden I feel a horrible, threatening, evil aura that precedes them. The attacks used to come when I was in that state where you are floating between sleep and wakefulness and I had more control over my body. I could actually move my physical body a bit in order to struggle free from them. Now it seems they come when I am deeper in sleep and I find it much harder to fight them off.
When these attacks first started happening and I had more control over my physical body, I would feel the aura coming and do my best to turn around and see what was coming. But they were sneaky and always came from behind so I could never see them coming before they attacked me and paralyzed me. This used to infuriate me and I would curse at them for being so cowardly and call them names. Their response to that was to slap me. Not really hard, but just a good crack across the face. I always felt that there were more than one and I never have seen their faces (maybe I should be glad I haven't), but I have seen and felt their arms and hands. They are long, skinny, hairy arms with incredibly long bony fingers that wrap around my wrists to stop me from struggling. For a while the attacks became sexual in nature, but that didn't last very long and then they returned to just paralyzing me and slapping me when I would call them names.
I remember one summer when it seemed like they were constantly after me and would show up the same time every morning. I got sick and tired of it and thought that I would outsmart them by putting a mirror in front of me so that I could see them coming up behind me. Since I always slept on my side I thought this was a great idea. As soon as I set the mirror up like that so I could see behind me, they stopped coming. I took the mirror away and sure enough they were back again at their usual time the very next morning. I then thought, okay, fine, I'll start sleeping on my back. What are they going to do... come up through the bed? Unbelievable, but that's exactly what they did. I learned that if I couldn't struggle free of them, then I could bite them and that would make them leave. I would bite them and it seemed like they would just explode into dust and disappear.
I have also heard them speak. They usually are silent, but occasionally I hear them speaking in some kind of guttural, unintelligible language that I can't understand. There was only one time when they spoke English, and that was when I was trying to kick at them one time during an attack. I heard one distinctly say, "Move her knee."
The scariest incident of all happened one night when I was again in a dreamless sleep, and all of a sudden I "woke up" to something grabbing my forearms and ripping me right out of my body. I had no aura for this attack and was terrified because it was so unexpected and sudden. I was actually floating vertically up in the air with this monster in front of me, holding me by both forearms. Again everything was all misty and I couldn't see this thing in front of me. I was trying to whip my arms back and forth trying to break it's grip, but I couldn't get free. This entity was much more frightening because it seemed to be different than the ones that usually attacked me. It seemed much more powerful and menacing. My struggles could not free me, so I stuck my head through my forearms and bit it. Instantly, I was back in my bed, wide awake in my normal form of consciousness.
As I mentioned before, the attacks now happen when I am in another place or different level of consciousness that I really don't understand. It's hard to explain to someone who hasn't been there. Lately, I have become much more efficient in fighting them. I don't struggle with them so much, I just bite them. Unfortunately, they no longer just instantaneously explode to dust. As gross as it sounds, I have to chew on their arms for a bit before they will leave. I can actually feel their limbs between my teeth and I bite down as hard as I can. This seems to cause them pain because I have heard them growl at me when I have done that. Other times, they just groan and then let go.
I am always alone when these attacks happen. The only time they appeared when someone else was present was once when I was very young and was sleeping overnight at my best friend's house. I was in the bed and she was in a sleeping bag on the floor beside me. I remember watching her mom walk by the room during the attack and trying as hard as I could to call out so she would come help me, but I was unable to make a sound.
Just recently, my husband walked into the bedroom during one of my attacks. As usually happens with the attacks now, I was deep in "sleep" when the attack started, but I find it strange that I was still able to hear my husband enter the room and rummage around in the closet. It was like I was in a different, strange world, but was still able to be aware of things happening in this one. I was trying desperately to call out to him but he said he saw nothing unusual and I appeared to be sleeping normally. This has me again thinking that now these attacks occur in another dimension or place where my soul (?) can be, but my physical body cannot.
I have talked to religious/spiritual people who have advised me that because we are God's beloved children, we have authority over evil entities and if we command them to leave in Jesus' name, then they have to obey us. I have done this, but it doesn't seem to help. I have also called out to Jesus to help me during the attacks, similar to how I did with the first incident, but that doesn't seem to do anything either. This really distresses me because I am a very spiritual person and I can't understand why Jesus doesn't protect me when I desperately call out for him. Is there a reason I am allowed to fight these things off without His help? I don't know. I have talked to priests, other religious people, and non religious people, and nobody can give me any explanation or reason for all this. All I know is that when they first started, the attacks were more annoying and threatening than truly terrifying. Now they are becoming more frightening and I am sick and tired of them. I want them to stop and that is why I am writing in the hopes that someone else has experienced similar incidents and might be able to tell me how to stop them.
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