In January, 2010, I was living in Milo, Maine and was going through a terrible personal ordeal. My marriage of 25 years was over, and I was so distraught that I was actually thinking of killing myself. Although I did not want to die, I couldn't bear the pain of continuing on without the love of my husband. Each day seemed darker and more bleak than the next.
Then the strangest thing happened... the thing that somehow in the midst of my despair convinced me to hold on and not give up.
I was lying alone in bed, exhausted from work and from crying (as I had been doing for weeks). But this night was particularly bad, and I was becoming more and more convinced that I should end it all.
In a moment of acute pain, I cried out to my Nana, long dead, and begged her to give me a sign that it would all work out somehow. That was when I heard the sound of the television playing downstairs. I hadn't even turned it on when I had arrived home from work. It made no sense, and it scared me a little.
With my dog beside me, I went downstairs to see what was going on. The TV was on in the middle of the otherwise dark living room, and on the screen was a public service announcement for a suicide prevention hotline. I swear this happened!
I didn't call the number. Somehow just seeing the words on the screen shook me out of my black thoughts. Things got better eventually, but I can't help but wonder what would have happened if I had not cried out to my Nana that night!